


Letting Go

by Genie60



Series: Poldark Series 5-One Last Time [2]
Category: Poldark (TV 2015), Poldark - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Guilt, Love, Marriage, Moving On, Possible Spoilers, Series 5, Wishful Thinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-06-30 09:37:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19850452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Genie60/pseuds/Genie60
Summary: A total "what if" based on the preview clip from S5, Episode 2 meeting between George and Ross.





	Letting Go

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing except my wild imagination. All the kudos to Debbie for a banging start to S5. And to Winston for starting this madness in the first place. Errors, omissions and any resemblance to future storylines is strictly coincidence

_Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose_

Ross entered his newly appointed rooms in London, dropping his hat, gloves, and satchel on the table unceremoniously. He walked to the small cabinet where he poured himself a decent draught of brandy then sat down by the window and stared out over the city. His confrontation with George and the other man's words played over in his mind. Could what his rival have said been true? Was his long term devotion to Elizabeth a reason for her demise? He thought back to their conversation at Trenwith when he returned Geoffrey Charles home and how she had told him she was finally content in her marriage to George. He thought back even further: to their meeting in the church where he had finally realized that what he felt for his first love was a distant memory; Demelza was his true love.

“Ross? I didn’t hear you come home.”

He didn’t respond. Demelza walked towards him and put her hand on his shoulder,

“Ross?” she said again.

He looked up and saw the bright blue eyes and glowing smile of his wife welcoming him home. How he missed her when they were apart.

“Is something amiss? Are you ill?”

Demelza knelt by his side and put her hand to his cheek. Ross covered it with his own then turned to kiss her palm.

“No my love, I am not ill. Just….”

“Brooding?” she said sitting back on her heels.

He smiled at the fact that she knew him so well.

“You might say that.”

He rose and poured another drink, turning to offer her one as well.

“It’s a little early for me my love. Tell me. What has you so out of sorts?”

Demelza stood then, going to Ross, taking his hand and leading him to the small sofa. He sat next to her, not letting go of her hand but squeezing it tighter.

“George.”

The name was said without emotion or bitterness but flatly.

"Good lord, what have the two of you gotten into now?"

Her voice was a mixture of concern and jest but she saw that he was not amused at her attempt at humor. Demelza knew that something much deeper had transpired between these two rivals. She wondered if they would ever resolve their differences enough to live in some kind of peace.

“It’s not so much that we ‘got into’ anything. Have no fear. We did not come to blows on the floor of Parliament. More like something he said.”

Demelza could only imagine what that might be. There was only one topic that affected both men in such unpleasant ways: Elizabeth.

“What was it?” she asked. 

Her voice was gentle for even though Elizabeth had passed months ago, Demelza knew that Ross still carried the pain of that loss. It was nothing that she needed to be concerned or jealous of—that had long been put to rest—but more just dealing with the death of his first love. As they had discussed at the time, the memory of that love is what saddened him. She said nothing but took his hand, as she had that day long ago and waited for him to speak.

“Demelza, tell me—and I expect you to be honest---am I so stubborn that I refuse to let go of….things?”

Ross sat back and waited for her reply. What he didn’t expect was for her to laugh.

“Did you seriously just ask me that? Ross Poldark, have you not admitted yourself to being arrogant and blind regarding the simplest of things?”

He thought for a moment back to a time when they had fought on the beach as they fought the sea during her labor with Jeremy. Then they accused each other of being pigheaded so he could understand where his wife came to this conclusion.

“Sometimes being stubborn is needed to extract a result. Such as with mining,” he explained.

“That is all well and good my love but I gather what you are talking about has nothing to do with mining. So tell me, what did George get on about?”

Ross paused before answering. He knew that the subject could or would open up old wounds; he also knew that his wife and the state of their marriage could handle it.

“Elizabeth.”

“I see. And what of Elizabeth?”

The question was asked with some hesitancy as Demelza was not quite sure what exactly these two had to share.

“I didn’t tell you but that night…the night that Elizabeth….George said something to me that I have been perplexed about since.”

“What?”

He took another sip of his brandy and spoke.

“He said ‘see what we have brought her to’” 

“What did he mean by that?” she asked.

“I had no idea until today. I asked him about it and he said that my inability to let her go and his unfounded suspicions drove her to her death.”

Demelza’s breath hitched as she turned away from him, the hold on his hand slackened. Ross saw the change in his wife and immediately sought to question her.

“Demelza? Do you agree with him?”

She rose and walked around the sofa to the window. How was she to tell him that she agreed, in part, with George’s assessment?

Ross watched her and waited.

“Demelza?” he said firmly. “Answer me.”

She turned and replied.

“To a degree, yes.”

Taken aback Ross didn’t know what to say. Demelza saw the surprise on his face and started to explain.

“Do you remember what you said to me the night we quarreled about Captain McNeil?”

He stared at her, struggling to go back into his memory to that night. He was sure she was leaving him for good and he was just as sure he would join the army to avoid her.

“Vaguely,” he confessed.

“That night, when the night of your visit to Elizabeth came up, you said that it was the result of a devotion that on your part lasted ten years. Those are the ten years we’d been together. Do you know how that felt? Hearing that during the entire time of our marriage you still carried that kind of love for someone else? Can you imagine what George felt, knowing that you were still in the recesses of Elizabeth’s mind? So yes, as painful as it is for me to admit it, you were unable to let go. Until you were faced with losing something else….”

He smiled sadly and said, “You”.

She nodded and brush touched a finger to the corner of her eye, stopping a tear from falling. Ross went to her then and took her hands, bringing them up to his lips. He pressed a kiss to them and lingered a moment longer than necessary.

“Demelza, you and George are only partially correct. For while my head was determined to keep Elizabeth a part of my life, my heart chose another path. And that, my love, happened before I saw her that night. I was just too idiotic to admit it. And now, because of one irrational act, someone I cared for deeply is gone. Her husband is tormented and her children are left motherless.”

“Yes,” she said.

"And that is something I will have to live with, perhaps for the rest of my life. Seeing how lost Geoffrey Charles is makes me want to try and make amends."

Ross sounded defeated but Demelza knew he was avoiding something or someone else.

“And Valentine?” she asked quietly.

He looked at her and they shared a moment of understanding. She decided then to tell him of her brief encounter with the boy.

“Ross, you cannot ignore the issue of that child. Caroline and I came upon him at Sawle church. He was at his mother’s grave, just standing there, so lost and sad. My heart broke for him.”

There was no denying that Demelza’s motherly instincts came to the forefront when that memory returned and Ross could see it.

“My love, what am I---we—to do? George is his father and considering the extenuating circumstances, any interference by us would most likely make Valentine’s life worse.”

“You didn’t see the fear in his face when I offered to return him to George. That child is miserable Ross.”

“Yes, I imagine so. Just one more thing I must live with for I cannot change what has come to pass.”

Now it was he who fought tears. Demelza knew that they were for her as much as Valentine or Elizabeth. 

"No you cannot," she said. "We can, however, make sure that no harm comes to the boy just as you would Geoffrey Charles. Anything more would lead George to suspect something more and for Valentine's sake, that cannot happen."

Her logic was sound and once again Ross was amazed at her sensibility.

“You are most assuredly the wiser of the two of us. How I’ve taken you for granted,” he said with a smile.

"Yes, I know. Now, the children will be returning soon and I would rather they know nothing of their parents…shortcomings. "

“Agreed.”

Ross separated from his wife to walk around the room in an attempt to clear his head. He gazed out the window at the London skyline, the sun just beginning to set.

“Ross? What will you do about George? If he confronts you again?”

The question was a legitimate one since it was more likely than not their paths would cross again.

“I’m not sure, Demelza. I know I won’t provoke him. The man is right; as much as I hate to admit it. And now that I’ve stated my guilt out loud, I believe we can move forward with our own lives. Elizabeth is gone. Nothing can change that. All we can do is live our lives, perhaps more aware of the fragility of life and the weight our actions and words can carry.”

She came to him then and wrapped her arms around him, laying her head on his back. There was nothing more she could add to what had already been said. Their lives and the lives of so many others were forever changed by one night in May. Now they must go forward but keep the past as a compass by which they gauged their future.

**Author's Note:**

> I had no intention of jumping into the S5 pool but this one woke me up...so here it is. I do not mean to be presumptuous on what Debbie might or might not do in this series but the "what if" wouldn't leave. The quote belongs to Lyndon Johnson.


End file.
